Julie confesses…(secretly, to herself)

I want to pretend I know something useful or funny or quirky. I want to take part, or you know maybe, just be seen. I guess I want attention. I am seeking attention, isn’t that what people say? But at the same time I want to disappear. I always talk too much and I hear my voice and I shout to myself, SHUT UP, SHUT UP. But only inside myself. You know? It makes me sad that I’m not close to my family, but deep down I guess that’s my fault, even if I don’t like to admit it. Perhaps it suits me to be an almost orphan. Maybe I prefer to be lonely even if I don’t know it yet. Maybe I know that I’m too dangerous to be close to other people. But that’s OK.